Stumbling Through Work
Working in education is to stumble through your everyday! We love what we do, but staff, families, policies, regulations and sometimes even the children make us quit everyday then come back the next day. Just remember, you are not in this alone.
Stumbling Through Work
Bonnets & Boundaries, Should we Judge Parents?
Professional standards in educational environments matter, from dress codes to qualifications, as we explore how expectations shape children's experiences and learning environments.
• Parent dress codes at schools spark debate about setting examples for children
• Principal resigned over controversial dress code comments, but school board later adopted similar policy
• Different circumstances exist but basic presentation standards are reasonable expectations
• ECE teacher strikes aren't viable solutions due to private funding model constraints
• Many ECE teachers lack appropriate qualifications or understanding of educational requirements
• Parents often prefer teachers who neglect classroom supervision to chat with them
• "Testing" staff adherence to safety protocols creates unnecessary disruptions
• Interview tip: Ask candidates to describe themselves in one word then request examples
• Policy reminder that professional behavior standards exist because someone previously violated them
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Welcome to Stumbling Through Work where educators figure shit out. I'm your host, jarek Huff, and I'm here to explore and share the complexities of our work and let you know you are not alone. Before we start, though, please follow this podcast and share episodes with others. You can find me on my website, wwwjarekhuffcom, where you can find links to my social media and where I share information and tips for educators. Now let's jump into today's episode. Hey team, welcome to another episode of Stumbling Through Work where educators figure shit out. Today I'm actually bringing you a post that I came across on Instagram and I've seen it and I said I think this would be a really good conversation to have. The post is elementary school principal who suggested a dress code for parents at school resigns from his job. But the school board takes the idea and makes a new rule. So let me read the comments.
Speaker 1:Texas elementary school principal resigns after his controversial statements about parents having a dress code when showing up to campus. The school board takes the idea one week after his resignation. So as I look at the post, there's a sign that says dress for success, even as a guest Bottoms up, no sagging pants, short shorts, etc. Save the sleepwear and bonnets for home and tops should fully cover the chest. Our little learners are watching. Let's lead the way. This is what the principal said originally in his online statement. Well, he said I'm resigning from my administrative position after controversial statements. One week later, the superintendent passed a new rule based on my statement. But what he said earlier was mothers don't show up to school dressed like this A picture of a woman with a bonnet.
Speaker 1:The staff is very judgmental and we laugh at y'all, crying emoji. When you look good, you feel good. I want to build confidence in these young men and women early in life. I want a dress code for staff, students and parents. Hashtag believe 10. Um Well, first off, I'm going to say the whole message was lost with the.
Speaker 1:We laugh at you, even though we, secretly, we really do be laughing at y'all. But how do y'all feel? Should there be a dress code for parents, for families, when they drop off, when they pick up, when they come in to have a parent teacher conference, when they're enrolling conference, when they're enrolling? I really want to know how you all feel about it, because I'm I think I am biased because I come from you know an era. I'm an older millennial, so you know, our parents did dress up. They just didn't, you know, just appear one day looking the way that these people be looking. So I can admit that I do have a bias when it comes to this.
Speaker 1:I do know there are different circumstances for people and I'm actually going to read you a comment that someone said. They said my cousin tried to mom shame me for being in a bonnet, t-shirt and pajama pants when my son got on the bus at 630 in the morning. What she didn't know is I worked 12 to 16 hour days in the hospital. I had to get up to get my son ready for school. Once he was off, I went back to bed until it was time to get him and then go to work.
Speaker 1:Not everyone dressed down as lazy and no one should provide an explanation to be treated with respect. Now I get what she was saying, but, girl, that sounds like a personal problem, because no rule is ever going to encompass everybody. It's always going to be someone that feels some type of way For my opinion, for the betterment of humankind. Girl, you could take that bonnet off and put it in a ponytail. You could take that bonnet off and put it in a ponytail. Now I will say, as coming from someone that doesn't have a ponytail or hair at the moment but I used to you can put that shit in a ponytail and keep it pushing. I wrapped my hair up every night, but guess what? I never went in public with a bonnet, a do-rag, whatever it was. Put it in a ponytail and keep it going.
Speaker 1:I find that people are trying to make excuses for their behavior, of not just wanting to do it. I will respect you more if you just said I don't want to do this shit, and you know what. I will respect that. Like I said, if you just said I don't want to do this shit, I'm tired and I just don't want to do it, or you just said I just don't want to do it, I'm with that. That I can understand. But when people try to justify, when people try to explain, yeah, it just comes off like a crock of shit to me. If you ask me in my opinion and, um, yeah, I, I do, and I think too, the ones that are in this business, I feel like the people that have the most opinions aren't the ones that are sitting at the schools, aren't the ones that see these families come in when you just be like, oh my gosh, because how do we change a generation if it doesn't start with holding people accountable Again.
Speaker 1:People can do what they want to do, but I feel like, if you're in my place, if you're in my establishment and what I have stewardship over, these are the rules, and either you can be here or you can go somewhere else. I feel that way because everything ain't meant for everybody. If you feel that you don't like my rules, then this isn't for you and you go. Find something that makes you happy somewhere else. What I have going on in this corner of, in my piece of the world, is not working for you, and that's fine. Go over there where you can wear bonnets, go over there where you can come in wearing your do rags, and you can come in. Whatever you want to do, you can go over there.
Speaker 1:There's nothing wrong with saying that that doesn't work for you. The problem is when people get get upset when you have what you have going on in your peace and your peace and corner of the world and then they want to tell you how to do it. No, this just ain't for you. But I'm not opposed to that. But you know homie was a little wrong for and we laugh at you you didn't have to say that out loud online but I totally agree with everything that he said and actually might be something that people should start doing, you know, universally to hold families accountable, because we do want to change and we want to ensure that the children that we have under our care now grow up to be people that are presenting themselves the best. Is it a little bit of old school? Yes, but do I like it? Yes, so am I going to apologize for it? No, because I said what I said and it's not changing. Um, but yeah, I think I am with the don't, don't, don't come here looking like this and I get it. There are different circumstances, but there is no way that we're going to hit every single thing. You're just going to be mad girl. That's all I can just say, and yeah, that's all I have for that, and we'll be right back. We all want our schools or programs to be the best and, although every school is different, all successful programs have the same fundamentals Best Practices for High-Quality Preschool, afterschool and Enrichment Programs by Jarek Huff share standards to foster a high-quality program. These tips will help you put your best service forward, focusing on your children, families and communities. Best Practices for High-Quality Preschool, afterschool and Enrichment Programs by Jarek Huff is available on Amazon and Amazon Kindle.
Speaker 1:Hey, team, welcome back. Today we are with our director. Questions? The first one is all ECE teachers should strike. Questions the first one is all ECE teachers should strike. We should stop going to work until we get higher pay and better working conditions, because then what would our employers do? They would be forced to give it to us because they literally would not be able to find anyone to do this job for such a low rate per hour and would also disrupt sorry, and would also disrupt our economy because parents would not be able to work. So then people would literally have to listen to us. Think about it. It might be a good idea.
Speaker 1:Oh, child, she knew y'all, y'all, y'all. Give her some grace. She, she a little new. Um, yes, she knew. What she does not realize is the business aspect of how ECE works, because for the most part, we are private entities minus, you know, like Head Start and things like that, we're private industry, which means we for the most part, do not get subsidy, we do not get any form of support and assistance from anyone else. People that partner with any form of subsidy are usually reimbursements for the tuition, not to help offset other prices or other rates. So we do not have this extra money.
Speaker 1:We just don't Paying teachers more. And if you're doing this correctly, there are places that exploit their children we talked about this before where they suck everything that they can. They exploit their children for all the money that they can and they put nothing back into their center. We're not referring to that. We're referring to places that actually do what they're supposed to do. So by the time you're paying your teachers, you're paying for your curriculum, you're paying for your supplies, maybe food, if you do them, you're paying.
Speaker 1:Let me break down staff, whether your staff is just teachers, assistant teachers, directors, assistant directors, any form of administrators, custodians by the time you're paying all of these things and then, of course, all the fees for just your normal fixed things. So your rent, electricity bill, gas bill, business license, child care fees, all of these things People don't think about that going behind the behind the scenes. You have now exhausted so many funds that you just don't have the money. It's not because we want to hold and hoard all the money, we just don't have it. This is why we've been having that fight for years on. We need some form of assistance to help, because we do want to pay people more. Trust me, I want to get paid more, we all want to get paid more. But you can't get blood out of a turnip. If you don't have it, you just don't have it. It is what it is. So new girl who's new to the field, who's just a teacher she sounded more like an assistant teacher. Bless your heart, because we just don't have it. We just don't have it to give. Yeah, that's pretty much it. We just don't have it.
Speaker 1:Moving on to the next question, is it just me or is there a large number of ECE teachers who don't have the right personality or skills to be a teacher? I just saw another post about many ECE teachers not having training, and I agree. However, my question is slightly different. I've, of course, met some wonderful ECE teachers, but I've met too many who just strike me as people who shouldn't have the job. I find this is especially true with ECE assistants, for example. They like patience. They snap at kids and adults easily. They get frustrated with kids easily. If they don't understand a concept right away. They have a prickly personality, they're sarcastic with the kids, they micromanage others, even when they're not in charge, etc. It really upsets me for multiple reasons, and even weirder to me if they're often beloved. Can anyone shed some light on this for me? Yes, I can shed light on that for you.
Speaker 1:First off, I always want to say the ones that are beloved are by the teacher, by the parents, and parents love bad, horrible teachers. They do, and let me explain what that means the teachers that do their jobs, the teachers that are working with their children at pickup, at drop off. They don't like them because they're not entertaining them. They speak to the parents Good morning, they come and get the kids and they go back to working with their child, with their children. It's the teachers that always say that drive me crazy. The ones that you want to fire are the ones that the parents love, because why me crazy? The ones that you want to fire are the ones that the parents love because why the parent comes in.
Speaker 1:The teacher actually stops interacting with the children and sits there and has a 15 minute conversation with the parent and the parent is like, oh my god, I love, I love kelsey, because kelsey is awesome because she told me about this. She told me about this today and I'm sitting there thinking, if kelsey talking to you, who watching them? Kids, nobody See Kelsey chopping up with you and all her children just run around the room, run around the room, they slapping each other, punching each other in the face. She yelling across the room hey Malik, stop. Everything that is not supposed to be happening in the room is happening. But the parents love it because she talked to me for 15 minutes about my child. No, what she should be doing is saying hello, how are you? And here's your child for the day. Here's your closing note. Whatever you may get, and if you need more than you need to schedule a parent teacher conference with my ass, because I'm doing my job, but that's why the parents love the worst teachers.
Speaker 1:So back to the rest of her question. Yes, there are many people that should not be in this field. Rest of her question. Yes, there are many people that should not be in this field. People get in this field and they say, oh, I've been babysitting or I was a nanny and I know I would be good at the job. I'll tell you, when I see nanny on somebody's application, it goes in the trash. Next, when I see I babysat, I don't even read rest of it. You could have babysat 422 kids.
Speaker 1:Next, because when I see that it's a turn off, that lets me know that you are automatically going to assume that you're going to be sitting with children all day. You're going to be watching tv with children all day. You are going to be doing nothing all day. And now you have an attitude, because I've learned this from experience. And now they have an attitude when they're in a classroom and they're expected to actually be fully engaged with the children. They're expected to utilize a curriculum, execute a curriculum throughout the day, finding out assessments, all this new information that they did not know was a thing. You're now presenting it to them and you're presenting it almost all at one time because they had no idea. And now they have an attitude. And now they went to lunch and didn't come back. It always happens.
Speaker 1:Because why I've been? I've been a nanny for so this is not the same girl like girl. This is not it. They go straight to the trash. Can they get looked over when I'm on? Deed, when I'm on? Indeed, it gets a, gets a polite. Next it gets a polite, next it gets a polite reject. In two days you'll get the little message from Indeed that says you were not picked for this job because it's an entire different way of operating.
Speaker 1:I am a big fan of and not like a little fan. I am a big fan of academic training, whether that means you're going to school for something. Fan of academic training, whether that means you're going to school for something, in ECE specifically, if you have done many trainings, different workshops, because you need that background to help give context to what's happening within the classroom and so anyone just coming in a lot of them shouldn't be there. They just think they're going to play and watch tv all day. Now. There are places that I refer to as daycare that do that, and if you know me, I hate the word daycare because how can you care for the day. But places that I refer to as daycare are places that exploit the children and they do no formal curriculum and learning. It really is babysitting and if that's for you, then you go on there, you take your hind parts and you and your babysitting skills go over there and your nanny skills can go right over there to them. Dumpster fires and I will not be associated with it. That's cool. Everything is not for everybody. I said that earlier. She can go take herself and go over there, but where I'm at, we're actually learning. This is something that needs to be handled with care, so the training needs to be there, the education aspect needs to be there. So, yes, everybody is definitely not made for this job.
Speaker 1:Now for our final question. Parents keep testing me and my coworker I just before I read this y'all, I just want to tell y'all this is the craziest shit I've heard in a while. We officially started our new term a couple of weeks ago and both kids transitioned from another classroom, as well as kids brand new to the center. So she's referring to both kids. It's a certain parent she's talking about. This surrounds a family who is brand new. The dad works in law enforcement and told me he has seen a lot of things that make him wary of child care in general, which is understandable. However, he initially seems very kind and willing to work with us. I understand it will take time to build trust, just as it does with every parent. The issue is this man is testing us every single day. They attempt to break a safety policy or regulation set by the state. We've kindly remind him it's against policy and he'll smile and say good, I was testing you First couple of times. Fine, I get it, but it is every single day. Yes, it is all things we do anyway, and still annoying. But whatever, we just been sucking it up.
Speaker 1:Yesterday we get an email informing us that grandparents are picking up. Grandparents are on the pickup list, so we just sent an email reminder that they have to bring ID for us to copy and keep on file. An aunt shows up who's not on the list. We tell her she can't pick up. She gives us a hard time. In the back of my head I'm thinking is this another test? He wouldn't do that. But the aunt just keeps insisting. The grandparents asked her to pick up and the story sounded real. We refused to release and call the parents who didn't pick up. Aunt left. Grandparents came 20 minutes later and hassled us a bit when we asked for ID, but finally they did what they were supposed to. We sent another email reminder to the parents about the pickup policy.
Speaker 1:Dad comes in the morning looking smug as all get out thanking us for quote passing the test. I wanted to scream you caused us extra headaches just to prove we're following policy. I don't know what to say and I just took the child and left. I'm debating, talking to admin. I told them about these tests one other time and they seemed weirded out but brushed it off. But they were also very annoyed with the family yesterday. A part of me feels something needs to be said. Hold on, y'all. I got to take a sip of water. Okay, they can't keep causing headaches, just to prove a point. I understand the dad has seen some shit, but this is just getting disruptive at this point and I'm constantly on guard for another test. I have very supportive admin so I know they'll step in if I ask, but I don't know if I'm wrong to be annoyed by this. Oh, I had to keep taking water because that was a long comment. Hold on, okay. Yes, girl, you should be annoyed by this because that was extremely unnecessary and I'm with her like the first. Second time I get it.
Speaker 1:If you are that cautious and that uncomfortable, sir, go get you a nanny. That's what you need. You need you a full-on nanny now. I'm not in your pocket, I don't know your ins and out, but I'm assuming that you can't afford a nanny, so you in child care, you're getting way more in child care because it really is cheaper than a nanny, but your child is getting a lot more. They're getting, hopefully, this is a place of quality. You're getting quality care, education, you're getting all those fun things.
Speaker 1:But, sir, I don't have time to be playing these games with you. I am not a shoe and I'm not passing go and you're not collecting two hundred dollars. What I don't have time for is this I'm trying to understand how administration is not aware. It's just somehow the way their school is set up. It doesn't make sense to me, because to me admin is at the front. They're the ones that are doing the calling, the conversations with everyone. So that doesn't quite make sense. How it bypasses them and gets to her as a teacher Kind of weird, still weird, but yeah, I can't wrap my head around that. But they definitely need to step in because somebody need to have a conversation to say, hey, this is our policy. You're actually causing us extra work and if something makes you uncomfortable or something happens, just please let us know. Going forward, you know, y'all know me, I'm all about a conversation and I'm not about to play these games back and forth with dad that needs something to do and because he's in law enforcement, sir, I don't have the time go get you a nanny. But if you're broke and you can't afford it, then you're here with us and we're doing what we're supposed to do, but keep doing this over and over again. I'm not playing this game with you. I am not. This is, this is not solid. I don't want to play a game and yeah, we're not doing that and we'll be right back.
Speaker 1:I love sharing information with educators and program administrators. I have had so many successes, but also so many failures in my education tenure. I want leaders to know what not to do, but, better than that, what to do, so I decided to write a helpful guide Best Practices for Center Program and Activity Directors. It's short and to the point. It's a compass to guide education leaders. These best practices will give you a foundation to lead your school program or organization. You can find best practices for center program and activity directors by Jared Huff on Amazon or Amazon Kindle. Welcome back. Here is our interview corner for today.
Speaker 1:You ask the question in an interview. Describe yourself to me in one word, and they respond with I'm flawless, I'm perfect, I'm a genius no, that means they are overly cocky and is very off-putting. Or if they respond with something very just bizarre and weird, like I'm a velociraptor because I'm a fast learner and I claw into problems. Red flag. Do not hire them. But you know what Some of y'all will because you hire out of desperation. Pay attention to the red flags folks.
Speaker 1:The question is asking who you are and what you are in relationship to the job. The word that they pick should reflect what the job requires, but also what would make them stand out in a positive way and what they're going to do for you. So words like responsible, creative, honest, dedicated, strategic, focused, fair, helpful, those are words that you want to hear someone say. But if they say something like I'm happy and I'm resilient, that speaks to kind of like that person, but it doesn't speak to the job. So in my opinion, that makes them boring, and boring in childcare is not interesting. So I would pass on them with those words. But you want something like that Now for an extra bonus.
Speaker 1:This is what y'all should do, because you know when people interview, they are sending out their representatives the best part of them, which means that makes them a liar, because y'all know people be lying. So this is what you're going to do. You're going to ask a follow-up example. So if someone says, if you say, describe yourself to me in one word and they think hard and they say I'm creative, really, can you give me an example? Ooh, there it go. See, now you're not going to sit here and throw out some fun word Nah, explain that shit for me. Run it, explain that to me. When they're like well, you know what I'm reliable. Huh, can you give me an example of your reliability? See, I want to hear this. See, this is how you be getting people because they think they'd be prepared, but they really don't be prepared. Call that shit out. Not, really, are you for real? Oh, you're honest, tell me, tell me how you're honest. Give me an example of your honesty and see what they say. If they sit there and just stare at you for a minute like uh, uh, uh, move on, do not hire them. They are a liar and the truth ain't in them. But guess what? Some of y'all will, because you will hire them out of desperation.
Speaker 1:And now it's policy time. Remember, something became a policy because someone didn't mess this shit up for all of us. So behavior of employees. Under no circumstances should a staff member shout at children, staff or parents or physically discipline them. Physical or psychological abuse of anyone on school property, use of profanity, racial or gender slurs are against the law, grounds for immediate termination of employment and against our philosophy.
Speaker 1:Why is this a policy? Well, this is a policy because Brenda came to work and her man didn't pay the light bill so she could not do her hair today because she wanted that good silk press today. But then this mom walks in with her silk press and we're going to call mom Silky because she got the full silk press. And so Silky tells Brenda, tells Miss Brenda that she forgot her child's tutu yesterday, you know, the tutu that she shouldn't have anyway. And as she's explaining this to Miss Brenda, as her silky press is bouncing and moving with all this attitude, it just sent Brenda off because Brenda is pissed that her hair is not silky today either. So now, brenda didn't cussed out Silky, and now I got to fire Brenda because she got an attitude and she didn't cussed out a parent. That is why that's a policy.
Speaker 1:It is crazy to think that we have to write down a policy to not cuss people out and to be rude, but we do. We want to have the best customer service and experience for everyone. We want to have the best customer service and experience for everyone, and that experience isn't just for families and children, it's also for other staff. They should be in an environment that cultivates positivity and just a good working environment, but it's sad that we have to actually write a policy for grown folks. That has to be implemented. Should I have to say to you please don't cuss nobody out today. Please don't show your whole ass today to your co-teacher. Why do I have to write this down? Because, as I said before, somebody didn't did it and then messed the shit up for all of us. So now we got to sit here and have these HR conversations. Just say it. It really, really is, but that's why this is a policy.
Speaker 1:Well, that's all that I have for you guys this week. Have an amazing week. I do want you to judge every single parent that walks in in your mind. Don't do it out loud, don't put it on social media, but judge them in your mind. Have some great interviews by asking great questions and please don't allow Brenda to cuss out Silky Smooth this week. And I'll talk to y'all later. All right bye. That's it for today. If you like this episode, it would mean so much to me if you left a rating review and subscribe to the show. I'd love to hear from you. You can visit my website, which is in the show notes, to contact me, and I hope you have a great rest of your week and speak to you all soon.
